I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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