Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize