Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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