Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
