You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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