I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
