im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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