i will never coherently bang her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
