He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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