If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
