Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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