wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
