My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
