This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
