you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
