Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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