i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
