i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
