btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
