Don't make out with my wife yet
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
