I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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