How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
