i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
