I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
