sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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