if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize