idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
