...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
