They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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