on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
