We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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