good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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