I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize