this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
