mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
