God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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