i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
