nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
