just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
