i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
