I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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