I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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