shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's official drugs can't kill me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
