I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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