some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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