last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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