I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
