i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
