Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
