I wish I only lived at night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bring me that man meat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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