R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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