This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
