I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize