woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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