her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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