i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
