we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
