she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
