My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
