oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
