and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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