these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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