So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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