You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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