I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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