So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
50% drunk capacity currently
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
