Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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