God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
