So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
