I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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