You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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