I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
