a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
