when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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