8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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