If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
