so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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