Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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