just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
