i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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