so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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