but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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