Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ttyl tear gas
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
